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2006-11-15 - 10:58 a.m.

This has been a stressful few days. I haven't heard about the job yet, There are big changes in my dept, including 5 new contracters all of which seem to be impatient for me to get a new job so they can be assured of getting my old position, and us losing our room where we have our cubes to another department resulting in sitting together at a long table with no personal computer or privacy.

My dad passed away Monday so I'm in Cali comforting my mom. There are many under currents of stress here. Drunk Ass Pablo keeps bringing over street women which stesses out Mom. He also caused some sort of trouble Monday night which resulted in him trying to fight a couple cops, landing him in jail. He's out now and drinking like a fish. Ryan wants to take the car and go to Petaluma to visit his friends leaving us stranded with Mom in the middle of everything.

I thought I had made peace with dad, but I'm not so sure now. I had a dream last night that we could "Let the healing begin". After all he was the first cause of the siblings problems, even though that was a long time ago.

Each of us has dealt with this in a different way.

I'm feeling strangely unaffected by his death, and I'm not sure if that's the way I'll deal with death, or if it's part of this long standing animosity that appears to have been dormant.

Lets face it November is all fucked up, or maybe I'm all fucked up.



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