2004-11-28 - 5:49 a.m.It's 3:26 in the morning and I can't sleep any longer. I'm feeling a bit pessimistic right now.
I have 1 day left of work and that's it - nothing new in sight yet. I'm feeling like the world is caving in financially already. So what's new about that? It's been a financial asset wasting game for over three years now. There's always the house to sell or take a loan against. Its been a financial case of atrophy for a long time now. Occaisonal times of seeming recovery, only to plunge further into debt.
Let's review the past 6 months.......
Remember this entry? : "2004-06-21 040621_55.html
Don't get me wrong, I love the family, but things just go into family interaction mode and watch out. Pablo & Rinaldo haven't been here before so that was nice, especially since Pablo is going into a 2 year alky rehab program Weds., so I won't see him for a while. By the way, What's with that? I need to drink like a fish and burn all my bridges to be rewarded with free food, drink and Rent for 2 years in the middle of San Francisco Bay on Treasure Island with billion dollar views????
Well, Pablo blew that rehab and got kicked out after 3 months. Then He got lucky and was accepted for a veterans program, but blew that one too. He got into a shelter and claimed everything was cool, but called me a few days ago wanting money. I told him no, there isn't any and I wouldn't give it to you if there was. He went on about how he is homeless and will be living on the streets.
Mom said no also.
Sorry, I guess I'm about to lose those few loyal readers I've been luck enough to share with these last six months. How can I be so uncaring??? That's 2 out of 3 brothers written off. (So far as supporting thier problems and contributing to thier irresponsibility.) Of the other 3 recently discovered half brothers the score is 1 crazy, 1 reasonable and 1 missing in action, just disappeared.
From the same entry........
Worse than the rest, Pablo tells me they all had a discussion about my anti government attitude and
And when all her bank acct disappears she won't mind, right?"
I'm feeling like I probably will need to erase some entries about the Government.
For the record:
I am not advocating violence against anyone or the government. Neither Me nor anyone I know has attempted, discussed or has knowledge of anti government violence or personal threats.
Now, I do have to say I've never been so concerned over political events and so doubtful over the future. I believe many of the D-landers have expressed similar sentiments.
I just wish President Ford ( Mr Do-nothing) or President Carter ("I never had a war or sent Americans to be killed overseas") were in office. Or maybe I should give up any Ideals and just Join the current Government?????
I may quit writing soon as I'm not sure that there is any purpose to it. I've left a few notes to those I read, either supportive or indicating I understand and am empathetic, but they have mostly been ignored. (And why not? none of these people know me or care what I say.)
I'm pleased that some people have left me notes and have tried to acknowledge each one to say thanks, but they are few and far between. Without feedback I really don't know what these words mean, if anything, to anyone.
Anoyther past entry: 9:36 p.m. 2004-07-05 040706_50.html Who packed my Chute?
Amy's carpooler and his wife came over to use my computer today. Greg is from New York and looks like a character from "Reservior Dogs". I pretty sure he's not quite right in the head, but maybe living with his wife, 4 dogs 3 cats and 5 rabbits in a small 3 bedroom house in the city will make you that way. She leads him around on a leash I think, You can't get a word in edgewise.
The wife just got arrested for mistreating animals. They had too many to take care of. ( They were up to 6 dogs, 20+ cats, rats, uncaged rabbits and birds, the whole lot freely roaming thier house) The humane society took them all. So what will happen in court? It's obviously a mental problem, not a crime against society, If anything a sentence to counseling perhaps, but more likely a big fine and an arrest on thier record. In todays world a possible employment back mark forever. What a load of B.S.
from the same entry:
It's 2:53 in the morning and my mind has been busy wandering.....so far I think I lost it. REWARD:
Lost mind, definately used and not suitable for children. Please return to Senor Curiouoso. It will not fit in square boxes, has tendency to escape outside boxes with little or no provocation.
Same old -same old....
Whats it all about, Alfie?
Summing up we have 6 months of financial failure caused in part by us living beyond our current means, tremendously exacerbated by the economic failure in America turning a previously comfortable lifestyle into a tenuous one, Extended Family disintegration aided by each of us having our own separate families and some of us having a definate lack of ability to cope, an increasingly fascist style of government intent on subjugating the rest of the world while increasingly ignoring and despotically ruling citizens at home.
Not a pretty picture. My idea of "retreating to the hills or desert" is unrealistic. If it comes down to a repressive government, There isn't any place to go to be left alone. Besides one has children and friends to consider. They won't neccesarily come along, will they?
Perhaps I can't see the forest for the trees....Actually I'm probably hung up at the "leaf level"!
Cheer Curiouoso* up with a note, My outlook needs it today..... Curiouoso*
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