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2005-01-29 - 6:56 p.m.

Ladies and Gentlemen of the regular readers jury, I come before you a chastised individual. Not because I'm contrite for any wrongs I may have commited, but because I've reacquired my disgust for authority. Yes, it's true I didn't actually say "Fuck you very much, sir", after signing the speeding ticket I got last Sunday, but I did mutter "Thanks for the big break, Asshole", under my breath, after he presented me with the 80 in a 65 zone ticket and piously stated, "I clocked you at 83 MPH, but I gave you a break". Sure, Thanks for nothing dickhead, too bad you didn't realize I just went 180 miles at an average speed of 100 MPH, so don't expect me to say thank you.

There was no traffic and it was clear and dry with a good road, I'm not into driving unsafely, and I really get rankled by snot nose kids barely out of plastic potty training pants playing tough guy police officer games. He was still sucking momma's mammary glands when my drivers license turned old enough to buy beer!

So yeah I'm disappointed that intense dislike for officious self-righteous policemen came roaring back as strong as if I was attending a 1960's black panther rally in Oakland.

Then Saturday morning I went with the Significant Other to give blood. Most of you probably have been exposed to the Blood Bank Begging calls, "Our Blood van will be in your area on Saturday and we need donors, so won't you please come out and donate all your precious bodiliy fluids (and maybe your left nut if needed) to save lives, It's your civic duty!" OK, occasonally I give up my morning, 2 hours to wait in line, (patience is a virtue Mr. Curiouoso*) to be prodded and poked, questioned intensely and finally vampired out of a pint or so of red stuff. As you recall the questions go something like this: 1. Have you ever had sexual contact with any person, male or female, living or dead, that even once had an impure thought about the Virgin Mary, or any other Saint? 2. Have you ever had erotic thoughts or dreams about cows, dogs, chickens or any other creature that may have been infected with mad cow disease, rabies or the Asian Flu virus? 3.Have you ever traded money, drugs or Elvis's toenail clippings for sex, in the past 10 years? (I answered "I give my whole paycheck to my wife every 2 weeks, and we occasonally have sex, does that count?") I offered the suggestion they ask all the questions once, then from then on give you a form that states, I answered all that crap last time and nothing changed, so stick me now or forever hold your peace. Needless to say that didn't fly.

I passed the iron test, where my blood sank like a rock in test fluid, the blood pressure test, still pumping, but failed the "Were you aware that your pulse seems kinda erratic test? I answered No, but I'm perfectly healthy and have been stress tested, poked, prodded and cholesterol tested intensely for 4 years, so no problem. Well, it was a problem for them, and they said I needed a doctor to tell me I'm healthy, so I nicely asked them to stick it where the sun doesn't shine and don't ever call me and beg again! All I wanted was to be civic minded, but no more crappola just to donate.

Another Bad Curiouoso* attitude. Sorry about that!

Work is great, my new little house real nice and I'm going to the gym every night. Now if only I could get skinny, wealthy and wise, life would be most excellant for Curiouoso, despoiler of the Earth.

Till next time, assuming the old heart doesn't skip too many beats, Curiouoso*


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