Work Humor, what NOT to try. Coversation with a site Mgr., Male about 60 Nice guy:

SL: What is your title?

Me: Post Deployment Support, PDS Guy. It was Post Migration Support till last week.

SL: PMS Guy? (Laughs) Do you know why they call it PMS?

Me: Why?

SL: Because Mad Cow Disease was already taken! ( Wanders off laughing)

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Room full of 50+ Women:

W1: We need you here all day.

W2: I don't think he's listening to us any more.

W3: He's married so he has selective hearing.

Me: After 24 years it's not selective hearing, it's called ignoring you.

W1: How come you gave me a different mouse? ( they got newer optical mice instead of mechanical mice.)

ME: A different mouse?

W1: Yes, look, it doesn't have any balls.

W2: Silly thats a girl mouse! Girls don't have balls!

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This is a medical facility:

There was a sign on the bathroom wall desribing in detail how to give a urine sample. It instructed cleaning oneself

in detail, prior to getting the sample. At the bottom was grafitti that said "Please don't get carried away, People are waiting for the room!"

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If you can't have fun at work why bother?

We have a sign off list that states everything works correctly and must be signed by the client. I've been explaining it to the clients: " And when you've checked your computer and everything works, then sign the bottom line right here. You don't need to read the fine print, it just states you're happy with it and if anything goes wrong after you sign it's your responsibility and they take the repair cost out of your paycheck!"

Most people just laugh and say ok it's not that big of a check. However one doctor was very somber and said OK. I heard later they had recieved a complaint that it was illegal to take money out of paychecks to fix your computer and who decided on that policy!

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A woman came in later than the rest. I was explaining the new computer checkout procedures to her:

Me: You can't log on?

Her: It won't take my password.

Me: Did you read your new computer packet?

Her: You mean this stuff?

Me: Lets see, You are a "Manager Type", Right?

Her: Manager type, uh yes.

Me: I'm not surprised, managers never read the instructions! (smiles)

Her: (Frowns, then laughs) I guess you're right!

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Woman: Are you here to check my computer again?

Me: No, I'm just here to flirt with you again!

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Woman: My computer is making a high pitch squeal.

Me: Did you try kicking it?

Woman: Not yet.

We walk to the computer.

Me: It's coming from your monitor. (I slap it good.Noise stops) You didn't believe me did ya? It just needs a little discipline! Try it. Even if it doesn't fix it you'll feel better! By the way put in a repair ticket for that.

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Now who thought work was no fun? By the way, don't try this at home. You must have a finely tuned sense of the person you are speaking with in order not to offend someone and possibly lose your job. If your non-verbal cues are too serious, you will just irritate people not make them laugh. After all the idea is to brighten up peoples day, not create bad feelings.