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2006-03-04 - 8:45 a.m.

Back and feeling like a real person!

Except my back. that sounds like it doesn't make sense, doesn't it?

I decided I really needed to have a full physical because for years checkups are like, take your tempeture, blood pressure, cholesterol check, "How are you feeling?", your ears are clean, your eyes are bright, Tale Zocor every day, "Next Please!".

Monday I had my first Mayo Clinic experience as a patient. Two hours for a thorough checkup! Then, because I'm past a certain age (I think they refer to that as the "Drop Dead Date", you're no longer on the Upper trail, but on an increasingly steep highway to hell!) Multitude of tests, Blood tests for Cholesterol, Diabetes, kidney function, myriad other dread conditions, including such obscure ones like Motile Snarcoma, Extreme Exostosis, Ballistic Organ Syndrome, and last but not least, the Feared Pathological Cacti Prickus Disorder! ("The Thackery T. Lambshead Guide to Eccentric & Discredited Diseases" to look these up)

Then, yesterday, I had my first Colonoscopy, in which the verdict was "Clean as a whistle," something that was inevitable considering I fasted for the better part of two days then drank a gallon of fowl tasting liquid, which for once, can't be described as tasting like chicken.

Like most of us, I've heard Rattlesnake meat, Welsh rabbit, Rocky Mountain Oysters, and even some Gamy overcooked Tofu (!) described as tasting a lot like chicken, so use your discretion as whether or not it does. (I hope you don't have the pleasure anytime soon) If for some strange reason out of the ordinary foods that taste like chicken appeal to you try: . I'm hungry already just reading that menu, or maybe it's cause I haven't eaten for two days!

So after pictures inside and out, physical therapy, eye tests, audiology visits I believe I'm about to be pronounced healthy next week.

Of course they didn't scan my brain yet, so it's up in the air if I'm still somewhat sane, as many of my readers seem to indicate is in question, but we do know I have a heart, even if it is often "hardened"
in the biblical sense.

All in all I'm pleased, No more cameras up the butt for 10 more years (Unlike some writers here who would enjoy that very idea), and being pricked and prodded in a multitude of places and ways, I'l be around for a while longer to torment all who come in contact with me!

Curiouoso is happy he at least got a tetanus shot out of the whole experience!


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