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2006-04-09 - 2:01 p.m.

Ever wonder why marital and martial are so similar? No? OK, me niether, but I think I know why.....

mar·i·tal
Of or relating to marriage: marital status; marital problems.
Of or relating to a husband.

mar·tial
Of, relating to, or suggestive of war.
Characteristic of or befitting a warrior.

See, they both have lots in common.
We all know people in marriages that are suggestive of war! I guess thier peace treaties must really be worth it.

So I started a big fight Saturday to express my displeasure about the amount of time we don't spend together.

Makes sense right? Start a big fight then not speak to each other, for most likely days, because you don't spend enough time together!

*******************

Ask yourself, "how many times have I been thrown out of bars?", and if the answer is a bunch, You should probably think about that. OK Mr. Vanilla, I don't think you've been in more than 2 bars in your life, so you are excused from this one.

If you OWN those bars, and still get tossed, double your score.

Prior to last night I'd only been tossed out twice. Once when I fell off the bar stool at Everybodies Talking, and the bouncer came over and suggested I had enough, and No I couldn't finish my beer and watch the stripper take off the final few items! Bummer! And Once in some sleazy red light district in a sleazy port city in Spain. The cops closed the bar by ordering everyone out, but no one left. I was in the back so I thought it'd be interesting to see this one play out... They came back in force a few minutes later and grabbed the guy closest to the door and THREW him Through it. Still no one else left... The next guy was yanked to his feet and propelled though the door. No one actually opened the door for these patrons so I'm not actually sure in what state they landed, but the Policia were relatively serious about emptying the place. This went on till they reached me; When in Rome do as the Romans, they say, so I did. The officer came up and start yelling at me something between, Are you fucking retarded or just plain stupid?, and You're next, you son of bilge rat bastard.

At that point I took the famed "Tourista" ploy. "Tourista, tourista, You want my papeles or something?, while thrusting the trusty passport in his face. Whereupon, he realized I had no clue what was going on (Right) and calmly explained the situation diplomatically and pointed to the door while pointedly looking at his watch. See no problema! I got up and walked out carefully stepping over the debris of the former patrons.

Actually last night I did NOT get thrown out of any bars per se. They merely refused me entry to the first, and eventually refused me service at the second. I got a tremendous bright red sunburn on my face so I obviously looked drunker than I was. (You couldn't actually get any drunker, but I was willing to try!)

I could go into detail about the week I had, but this entry is far too long as it is. If you really want to know about making big money, getting tangled up in an Iron Man competition, missing the dragon boats and Steppenwolf, and what flourescent piercings inside the inner labium look like when they suddenly get exposed to a flourescent light in the dark, send me a begging note and You'll get all the gory details.(Everyone should see that at least once, sort of like the famous donkey show in Nuevo Laredo, you aren't really into it but you just gotta see it)

Curiouoso* contemplating getting and giving the silent treatment for a week or so....


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