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2005-09-10 - 9:13 p.m.

I like myself. Yes, in spite of many things that may have gone down over the years, I like myself. I wish I had been smarter at times, seen what I was setting myself up for, but I do like myself,so have never tried to overtly do myself in. Yeah I was often a risk taker, but always biased to my self preservation. When I see so many here on Dairyland that are self-destructive, I wish there was some way to say, " Stop! you are worth it. Live to improve." Sadly, I don't think many would listen.

I was browsing TV tonight when I saw a bit of a Near death experience program. As I watched,I told Amy, "Been there, done that, no need to watch."

I was hypnotized to a past life by Helen Wambach, author of "Life before Life" and "Recalling Past Lives, the Evidence from Hypnosis". Strangely, This all came about by meeting her associate, Lee, and admiring her. Lee was always resourcefull, inventive and clever. I spoke with her about the research and she promised to bring me in on it in an interesting time.

True to her word, Lee called me one day and said People Magazine was going to be there that night and I should come over. I ended up as the next months "Centerfold" lying on my back dead to the world. Then I was there for TV filming. My story wasn't told but I was supine for background shots on "In Search Of: Past Lives". Somewhere today I exist in my mid 20's for eternity on that program.

So what happened? I thought you'd never ask!

I saw my death in a previous life. A life around the Roman times...A bit imprecise yes, but still.... the best explanation is the scene in "Gladiator" where our hero is to be put to death in the forest. For me though, my sentance was political, death by beheading. I saw myself decapitated with a sword in the forest, unresisting, painlessly moving on to a different existance. My head rolled off my severed neck and fell to the forest floor. I watched from above, interested, but not upset nor in pain. Remember this is the mid 70's so that movie hadn't even been dreamed of yet. That has given me a relief from fear of death, though not neccessarily of pre-death pain. Nor in fact do I neccessarily want to get there any quicker than I need too. I also saw my birth into this life, an unpleasant process that I resisted the whole way down the birth canal, only to hit this world and lose my consciousness of what came before.

So I must be a real religious stud now, right? Know it all? No, I'm not sure I even believe in reincarnation, but am agnostic, IE, I really don't know, only my experiences seemed to have happened before, but not neccessarily a universal truth.

Sorry, You expected me to clarify everything and I failed you....I no longer believe in BELIEF, BELIEF with capital letters. You must decide for yourself, no one can do it for you, believing others accounts of existance is like reading Playboy for the experience of love and sex. You might be disappointed in the end.

I so wanted to make this entry a clever, interesting piece of work, intriguing to all, a signature piece of writing, clever and alluring. Instead I have a trite account of possibly faulty memory, unremarked even in my own mind, nonetheless my readers.

Apologies, Curiouoso*


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